"A Very Stoopid Christmas"

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all I could hear

Were my party guests singing, "All I want for Christmas is lot's beer!"

I laughed for a moment thinking as if I were at Tim's.

Looking to Barf and Sha'boi demanding we have a wall to help our whims.

Then Green Man interrupts my thought,

"Let's drink some egg nog and rum", he says.

And with no hesitation we make our way to the kitchen,

Where we find the gang.

We find the pantry to be bare, and the fridge empty.

Gone, too was the alcohol we kept secret in the back room.

My pulse quickly rose and my heart sank with fear.

For what kind of people could drink that much beer.

I looked at my guests; some invited, some not.

And I asked Green man, "Is Today Freshman Friday or Sophomore Saturday?"

Then we both realize it is Christmas Eve.

There was no mistaking: WE ALL WERE GOING TO BLACK OUT!

But Juice and J Lo reminded us that we were in college

And tend to drink more then we think we do.

As we were about to make a trip to the Deli,

We heard a great Thud from the roof!

Then down from the roof came a jolly fat drunk santa.

He said, "Ran out of beer? Aw, man that's just rude."

"Lucky for you guys, you've been a good boys."

"So I will provide you with great Christmas joy."

And out of his sack he proceeded to bring

Cases of beer (Oh, it made my heart sing).

More Natti, more Keystone, even Beast!

More Korski and Lady Bligh! Oh what a wonderful sight!

My guests started cheering, the Freshman started doing flips.

Even the sophomores were screaming and moving their hips.

The Dayton Basketball team came by; Chip the Rip, too.

The Spirit of Christmas was sure coming through.

I looked out my window and spotted St. Nick

Shot-gunning a Natti, and shot-gunning it in quick.

And I heard him exclaim as he flew away fast,

"Drink, but don't drive" as big red sleigh crashed.

All of us at the Stoop would like to wish our viewers a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!